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The Art of Asking the Right Question | Caroline Reidy | TEDxTralee
15 нояб. 2021 г.
https://youtu.be/lSZ8lROfJ24?si=vursxtDOXwCovMUO
good morning everybody
i'm delighted to share a gift with you all today.
today i'm going to share the magic of the art of asking the right questions so let me start and set the scene for you.
i'm from the most beautiful part of the
world valley height in county kerry in ireland
i go there to reflect or if i've
something important to decide
the sound of the waves in the backdrop
as well as my grandfather's fabulous
saying in my mind
i think of his saying which is you need
three bones to enjoy the journey of life
you need a wishbone to dream the dream
you need a backbone to work hard and
make it happen
and you need a funny bone to enjoy the
lighter side of life
i adore that saying
it helps me to reflect and refocus and
brings me back to think about what's
most important
so as you listen to me for the next few
minutes
i invite you to quieten your mind of all
other thoughts
and to think deeply
are you dreaming your dream
are you working hard to make your dream
a reality
or are you just being busy being busy
and are you enjoying the lighter side of
life and having fun and enjoying your
one and only life
they're great questions aren't they
they're questions that deserve time
for us to press pause
and think deeply
and listen to those answers
because the answers could change your
life
because time and time wait for no one
time is our most valuable resource in
the busy lives we live
but we're all time poor
if it's important enough we make time
for it if it's not we make an excuse
so when you think about how do you spend
your time
i invite you to reflect and think
are you happy
having lived through a pandemic
what will you do differently
and what's stopping you
these aren't easy questions
but it's really important that we ask
ourselves these questions now
because the answers
will present an opportunity to change
our future
it's great to ask questions of our past
to take learnings
but it's even more important to ask
questions of our future
so that we get into the driving seat
of the destiny of the next chapter of
our lives time and tide wait for no one
what an exciting opportunity for us all
to really reflect
and make our time really really
important
in terms of the past tense we don't want
to look back and think when it's too
late what would i have done differently
why didn't i do that
why didn't i take that opportunity
because then it's too late
it's not easy though asking ourselves
these really deep meaningful
game-changing questions
so be kind when you ask yourself
and be kinder when you hear those
answers
because remember wb yates's fabulous
saying
which is tread softly because you tread
on my dreams
children have the power of curiosity as
a natural wonder within them
i have in two nieces and nephew who i
absolutely adore and they ask questions
without any thought
they really challenge me when they ask
those questions
they ask things like why is the sky blue
how are stars formed
why are you so old and why don't you get another dog. these to
them are simple questions that need to be asked and deserve an answer
but to me
the question of why don't i get another dog
pulls every heart string and emotional card within me
but as i say to them they're just simple
questions they're curious to hear the answer to.
it's really important that we feed our
minds with the best of positivity
the best of knowledge
and are really open to learning
it's also really important
that when we're talking to ourselves
we're really kind and positive because
we are listening
i grew up in a house where my mom said
caroline you can be the president
what a powerful self-belief to be
instilled in you from being a child
and my mom today still instills that
self-belief in us
which is an amazing gift to give to
anybody
that power of listening
and giving people that opportunity to
believe
when we think about our best
philosophers
best entrepreneurs best innovators
they all share the gift of the art of
asking amazing questions
they don't accept the here and now as
acceptable
they're constantly thinking about what
could be better how can they improve
things and why is that problem not yet
solved
as we think about what's stopping us
we often think of things like blue sky
thinking and brainstorming but all these
things are simply
thinking with no boundaries
asking the question and being open to
the potential of what the magic those
answers could lead to without thinking
about the what ifs and the what butts
and why not along the way that ability
to improve both ourselves and everything
around us is a magical gift
and by asking magical questions it
unlocks that potential for us
and remember roald dahl said those who
don't believe in magic will never find
it
so today maybe let's think about how we
might believe in a bit more magic
magic in terms of what we might be able
to achieve ourselves
and also
magic in the world around us when we
think about the right questions
albert einstein says
any fool can ask questions
but it takes a genius to ask the right
questions
we all have the gift of being able to
ask the right questions
today i hope to unlock the magic that
that's going to give us all
as we think about the best questions
for me the best questions are open
questions
who what how
but not always
when i was 16 i came home with my
leaving search results
i was really proud of myself
thought i did really well
my dad was throwing turf into the shed
when i came home
and i expected him to say caroline well
done i'm so proud of you
but instead
he asked me
and cars are you happy
that question stopped me in my tracks
then
and it stops me in my tracks now
he knew that i didn't know what i wanted
to do with those results
so they were never going to make me
happy but he asked the right question in
the right context at the right time
and he was silent and wanted to hear my
answer that question
made me reflect and decide
i had a bigger question to answer
and it was an amazing gift to give
the art of asking the right question
combined with the art of listening
magical questions
asked in the right question in the right
context
in the right time
can unstick people
untangle their thoughts
give them empathy give them self belief
they can unlock somebody and they can
bring somebody
further to the next step
powerful aren't they
without the art
of actively listening
questions
don't come to life and we don't maximize
their potential
so we really need to master the art of
listening
as well as the art of asking great
questions
and the hard thing about the art of
listening
is in our busy lives with whatsapp
social media and all that busyness
listening requires us
to give time
and silence
to be fully and absolutely present
i think it's really interesting
that when you spell listen and you spell
um
silent they're made up of the same
letters
but we're not great at being silent
and if we want great conversations
and the art of really listening
we need to really master and get
comfortable with being silent
the whole art of conversation is
something that we think about to bring
clear understanding to our journey
the more we listen
the more we give space to the thought
and information that's coming our way
the clearer our understanding is going
to become
i'm a mediator
and
the power of giving people the
opportunity
to be truly heard
is powerful
we make space and time in mediation to
unlock that person's need to be listened
to and give them the space to be truly heard
often people would say things like
caroline that's the first time i really
feel i've been listened to. are caroline
that's the first time i really feel i've been heard
it's a powerful gift to give somebody, isn't it?
just that ability to make them feel that they've been really heard
it's important also we don't presume and instead we ask.
often times we sketch information
scant information and make up what we
think is what the story is
and instead of falling into that
presumption pitfall
it's so much easier to just ask
and listen to what is being heard
us humans are fairly complex
and trying to guess what somebody else
is thinking
is really difficult and we often get it
wrong as a result
i always say psychic communication
doesn't work
which means we're psychically trying to
think what that other person is trying
to tell us
instead
think about how we could just simply ask
the question
and listen to the answer
much simpler isn't it
but we don't do it as often as maybe we
should
i also believe that there's junctures in
our lives that we should press pause and
ask ourselves really important questions
one of those junctures in my life was
when i got those precious leaving search
results
and instead of thinking what would i do
with the results
i should have thought about
what am i good at
what are my natural traits and natural skills
and as a result of which
i would never work a day in my life
because i'd be doing a job that i would
naturally love and naturally be good at
but sometimes life is so busy we're on that roller coaster of life and we forget to
press pause and ask those great questions.
we all want a positive culture
that feeling that's in the room are in
our families in our work environments
when we're not there
it's intangible
but we want it to be as positive as it can be
one easy way to make all of that
environment better
is just to simply ask
what are we doing well
what do we need to start doing
and what do we need to stop doing
the answer is generally in the room
all we need to do is present great
questions
and listen to the answers
that's going to bring us to a place of
shared understanding
and everybody is going to have that
buy-in to bring us to the next stage
which is really exciting
as we move there with shared
understanding great questions
also facilitate the most amazing
conversations
lots of you will have heard of emotional intelligence
but for me emotional intelligence is
simply giving empathy time and space for somebody to be really
listened to and really heard
it's a gift we all have the ability to
give.
but think about the last time you asked
somebody how are
and think about did you really actually
listen and make space for that answer
or were you so busy
moving on to the next thing that you
didn't really give that person the time
they deserved to be truly listened to
and truly heard.
i invite you all from today
to use how are you in a much more
powerful meaningful way.
ask people
and wait and
really want to hear the answer
the gift you will give that person
and what you will receive
will be bountiful
in the world of whatsapp
instant messaging social media
we very little space for the art of
verbal communication
the art of true conversation
and for me there's nothing more powerful
than two people having a real engaged conversation
so i would invite you all to think about
how we can reignite the power of true conversation
and in doing so
always start with asking instead of telling
and even when you tell end with asking
because asking brings you to learn new
things that you never knew you knew
and it's also showing the empathy and
interest you have in that really being
part of that conversation.
i believe in the world that we live in now instead of learning to multitask
i think we need to learn to singularly task
we need to get good at actively asking great questions and
actively making time and space to deeply listen
i hope today you've seen the magic of the art of asking great questions
i hope you'll think about my dad's powerful question are you happy?
it's been a game changer for me every time i ask it.
i also hope that you'll remember my grandfather's great saying
that you need three bones to enjoy the journey of life
you need a wishbone to dream your dream
you need a backbone to work hard and make it happen
and you need a funny bone to enjoy the
lighter side of life.
so i invite you
all to reflect and think are you
dreaming your dream are you working hard
to make your dream a reality
rather than just being busy being busy
and are you enjoying the journey of your
one and only life
because time and time waits for no one.
so today as you hear those great questions
i like my grandfather believe you need
to have those three bones in equal
measure to enjoy the journey of life
i also believe that reigniting the art
of asking great questions
making space and time to listen
and making space and time to get back to
the art of true conversation will be a game changer in your life.
thank you for listening
thank you
